Picture yourself at a Paramount Pictures pitch conjunction, circa 1986. MTV is at an arguable summit, ringlets bands are sprouting, Michael Jackson’s nose is two-thirds intact and Madonna lords supreme over the Principal 40 radio airplay crowd. Can you visualize the reactions of the suits behind the desk when presented with a proposal into a big screen reunion of the king and queen of the Beach Party flicks? Studio Executive: “You wanna spend money by putting those Polaroid spokespeople in a motion picture?”
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Promptly, the imaginary quote illustrious above didn’t uncommonly occur, but it oh, so likely crystallized the mentality of your typical hypocritical-breasted attired brass hats (and we’re talking Frankie and Annette, not James and Mariette, you idiot!) But as I finish my movie profession outdo back on, I can degree side with Mr. Polyester who contemporarily has to take into account a gigantic-budget big with two leads with plumb little name recognition amongst the highly coveted teen demographic, save for a casual mention from their parents while waxing nostalgic about the drive-in pictures of their youth.
That same predicament certainly must clothed crossed the minds of the writers while developing this project, when out of the blue they must contain fathomed, “That’s it!” Not unlike parents in real life, why change anything involving this beachcombing coupling? Conserve for Frankie’s conservatism, let’s sustenance these kids close to their roots, stiff hairdos and all, while their progeny and the rest of the world moves forward. And that’s exactly the scenario we contention as Back to the Beach begins.
Our favorite sun-and-sand warbler, Frankie (Avalon), has traded in his trunks and surfboard for sharkskin suits in latest years as one of the hottest auto salesmen in Ohio. Meanwhile, loving wife Annette (Funicello) is gratified to play homemaker, always experimenting with recipes for a rather traditional-looking brand of peanut butter (just a couple of scoops bashful of Stepford territory, Ms. Mousketeer). But behind her hubby’s showroom swagger lies a seriously burned-out grownup that’s forgotten how to be a kid.
With a wee nudging from the whilom princess of pineapples and pajama parties, it’s mouldy to the Aloha state with punk-loving’ son Bobby (Demian Slade) along in requital for the flight. During a layover on the West Glide, Annette talks Frankie into paying a visit to daughter Lori’s (Lori Loughlin) beachfront memo pad, which just happens to be within walking distance of their old silent picture set, er, stomping grounds. But the strain reunion turns X-rated when Pop finds out his beloved little sweetheart (they’re in any case “little” no matter cast off they are) is living in infraction with neighbourhood surfer dude Michael (Tommy Hinkley). Frankie wants to hop aboard the next go out of pocket of town, but a unintentional reunion with old flame Connie (Connie Stevens) changes his tune. Before you can utter the syllables “flash” and “back”, Annette snaps out of her decade-return single emotion slumber as that classic ‘grab the next single guy’ jealous rush kicks in.
Ah, at once all that’s missing are an American Intercontinental Pictures logo and Eric Von Zipper (rest in temperate, Harvey Lembeck).
Thanks to its ’80s glow and appealingly nostalgic nods to its leads cinematic pasts, Again to the Beach aches not only for the sake rediscovery, but for a place of honor in the cult film passageway of pre-eminence. Naturally those of us who gravitated to those endearingly laughable Beach Confederation cadre movies via afternoon matinees and late-late shows on television intent acquire to this in a heartbeat, but those unfamiliar with the series’ past will find themselves attracted by latter date nostalgia induced by appearances from Bright Lineage’s Loughlin, guitar great Stevie Ray Vaughn (rocking it up with fellow six-train legend Dick Dale) and the ever wacky Pee-Wee Herman whose surrealistic, impromptu rendition of The Trashmen’s antiquated ’60s garage band rave-up Surfin’ Bird is a major high point. Speaking of musical Beach peaks, if someone had told me that an Annette Funicello production number set to ska music would be a man of the coolest things I’ve at all seen in the history of cinema song and ball (choreographed by Kid Creole and the Coconuts alumnus Lori Eastside), I’d said they were nuts.
Oh, and as our overdue tenebriousness video receiver mate David Letterman used to say back in the NBC days, “If that’s not satisfactorily…and by gosh, don’t you think it oughta’ be?” there’s an abundance of okay-integrated cameos from the likes of 77 Sunset Strip’s Ed “Kookie” Byrnes (but no scene with co-star Connie Stevens? C’mon!), the brothers Cleaver themselves (Tony Dow and Jerry Mathers), the always funny Don Adams of Rub someone up the wrong way Smart stardom and everybody’s “little buddy,” Bob Denver, as a bartender who can’t aide but emerge derogatory tidbits of a life-altering shipwreck along with those archipelago drinkies (where’s the Skipper and his servilely when you deprivation him?)

